When You Say “I love you,” Mean It!

My father passed on some great advice.

Here is the first of many.

For as long as I can remember, any time a family member was leaving on a trip or to just go across the street, the words you heard as they head off were “love you.” Saying it became so natural, automatic, and expected that if it wasn’t said as you were leaving, you were guaranteed to be asked, “Are you forgetting something?”

Fast forward to right around 1997 as I was developing a drug prevention presentation and going over it with my father. While we were discussing a portion of the program on family support, my father felt that it was important to emphasize that while family love, support, and care were important, meaning it was crucial. “When you say “I love you, mean it.”

Never do the right things for the wrong reasons.

In 2006 after the final numbers for the general election were announced and I had earned a seat in the Guam Legislature, I had a conversation with my father about what I should expect and what he expected of me. He told me that with all the opportunities I will have to effectuate positive change, never do the right thing for the wrong reasons.

There are always reasons why people do things. Sometimes good, other times bad. In politics, as is the case in business, amongst friends, and with our family, there are decisions we make that either determine or contribute to determining an outcome. If a decision is based on selfish or destructive reasons and not for what is best for those who may be affected, the action may cause more harm than good.

As a Senator, I saw actions taken by a couple of my former colleagues that were clearly doing the right things for the wrong reasons. It bothered me so much that I would call them on their antics and vote against their measures, even if the legislation had the votes necessary or my vote was needed for its passage. While my stance may have costed support for my bills, I never went to bed with a guilty conscious.

When you do something for others, do it without expectation of accolades and fame. Furthermore, don’t let your actions be dictated by the number of likes or thumbs-up emojis you anticipate to receive. Finally, know that what is right is not always popular, and what is popular is not always right.

Don’t worry about who gets the credit, just get the work done.

My siblings and I were always fascinated at the work our parents did not just in their jobs but in their civic roles as well. One aspect that we found both fascinating and enduring was their contentment that so long as there was accomplishment, it didn’t matter who got the credit for it.

Admittedly in my early years it was difficult to understand why a person wouldn’t want recognition for the work they led to achieve or that they be given credit when credit is due. One day, I decided to sit with my father and inquire about his philosophy on the matter.

My father stated that when you take on a project and make it all about you, you may lose sight of the reason why it should be done. People are inclined to work better together when there are no ulterior motives or personal agendas that have to be dealt with. He asked how I would feel if I had to work with a team where the leader believed it was all about him and ignored my contributions. He went on to state that achievements are greater and more meaningful when there is true collaboration without the nuance of grandstanding and credit seeking.

It was through our parents that we learned never to do the right thing for the wrong reasons and not to worry about who gets the credit, just get the work done.

Don’t wait for others….lead!

Growing up, I sometimes had the best seat in the house to watch my father work. I watched as he ran board meetings, directed government operations, secured contracts, created opportunities, and granted wishes. One day in the weeks before he passed, I was having lunch with him and asked what drove him to do all the things he did. My dad responded by saying he always looked for opportunities to do the right thing for people, and if there was one but no one was doing anything about it, he took charge and ran with it. To this day I remember exactly what he said – “God purposefully puts opportunities in front of you because he knows that you can do it. When given the chance, don’t wait for others to start….Lead!”

There is no value in a plan of action until you take action on the plan.

When my father and I started our business many years ago, I was tasked to put together a business plan for a consulting service we were to provide. After painstakingly completing the proposal, I presented it to him and he asked when it would be implemented. When I said soon, my father replied, “Soon is not a day in the week or a month in the year and there is no value in a plan of action until you take action on the plan.”

We may plan to do things in our lives, whether it be for personal or professional purposes, but unless we do things in line with that plan, there will be nothing gained. A suggestion for the next time you produce a plan is to is include specific dates or timelines. Remember, don’t use “soon” or “tomorrow” because “soon” is not a date and tomorrow never comes.

Don’t ever think that you can hide from god!

Although I can’t fully recall how the conversation came to be, I do remember that it had something to do with a childhood incident that I claimed no responsibility for (although I did do it). Although I thought I had a believable alibi, I’m sure that Dad had all the reason and evidence to know otherwise. And other than executing corporal punishment for my untruthfulness, all he said was, “Although I didn’t see what you did, don’t ever think you can hide from God.”

It’s remembering those words that continuously reminds me that everything I think, say, and do is known by a power higher than any human can be. And in the end, it is character and morals that have more meaning and significance than wins and fame.

Besides that, you sleep better.